Leading like
a Man:
By Joe Donato, all rights reserved, © 2007
There are all different types of ballroom dances, and
different ways of classifying them. You’ve surely heard them broken down into
an overkill of categories: Smooth,
Ballroom, Latin, American Rhythm, Freestyle, International, Argentine Tango
vs. Ballroom Tango, Viennese Waltz vs. Argentine Valse, and of course all
the different flavors of swing from Lindy Rhythm to Lindy Hop, Jitterbug to
Jive, and West Coast to East Coast. But
there’s one thing that all partner dances have in common. In any dance you are learning, one of the best
“technique” areas to focus on is how to be a good leader. Do you think you’re a good leader? Here are some signs of the “fruits” of being
a good leader:
-When you make a mistake (not if, when), the woman will
usually apologize, before you even have a chance to admit it was your bad.
-People will tell you that you make ANY woman you are
dancing with, look like a pro.
-When you start dancing with a woman for the first time,
she will have an initial look of terror on her face, which will then be followed
by very large smile.
-Other men will tend to either ask you for advice, or
ignore you completely.
-You will notice that women will be making a beeline
from across the room, to get a dance, specifically from you.
Each of these things has happened to me, and I know that
it is NOT because of the moves I know, it is because I learned how to lead.
I wasn’t always that way. I had to learn it. And you can too. Any man can
learn. Here are a few things to remember when developing your lead:
A good lead is all about your frame. All dances have different postures, but the
one thing that the woman needs to feel from the man, is the core momentum
coming from the center of his gravity; the torso. The way a woman feels your torso, is through
your frame. The simplest way to define
a good leader is that he has a good, consistent frame, which allows the woman
to feel like she’s “connected” to the man’s torso.
Men, you do not lead with your arms, you lead with your
Torso. Your arms just happen to be
the tool that your torso uses to tell the woman where you are going. If you try to tell the woman where she is supposed
to go with your arms, you will most likely end up “pushing and pulling” and
the woman will feel like she’s being yanked or shoved to another spot on the
floor. But if the woman can feel your body (your torso that is), moving to
that spot on the floor first and your arms are connected to your torso, it
will feel like she’s being carried there, instead of pushed.
Here are a few crucial tips to help you maintain your
frame:
For your basic ballroom hold, in a perfect world, the
distance between the man’s chest, and the palm of his right hand (which is
usually just under the woman’s shoulder blade) should never change. If your feet move forward 3.785 inches, your
torso should also move forward 3.785 inches, and therefore, the palm of the
hand has also moved forward 3.785 inches as well. If you moves back 1.6748 feet, your torso should
have also traveled 1.6748 feet, and the palm of your hand should have also
moved back 1.6748 feet, taking the woman 1.6748 feet forward.
OK, math class is over. Another way of thinking about
it is to remember that the elbow joint never really contracts or extends.
You could also say that the angle between the forearm and the bicep on each
arm should never changes either. Pretend your arms are in a cast, and/or your
elbow joints are frozen. You’re starting
to get the idea.
And since we are talking about elbows, here’s a great
exercise: Put your arm out as if you are getting in dance position. Pretend you are a butler, holding a towel in
your right hand. Now look at your profile
in a mirror with this stance. Your
elbows should always be in front of your chest, not behind them. If the elbow
is behind you, odds are your right shoulder is also sticking out, and ready
for the woman’s mouth to take a bit out of it. Bring the elbows forward. This will also put your chest back, creating
a concave shape. This will allow the woman to feel connected to you.
Now, raise the elbow up so that it is higher than the
wrist. If your elbow is lower than
the wrist, two things will happen. 1
– Your arm will feel fatigue at the wrist, as blood has to travel up again
to get to your hand. 2 – It will be
far too easy for that hand to “undulate” its distance from your chest, thus
misleading the woman about how or when, your torso is moving.
When I first learned to develop my frame, it was about
a month or two into serious training, and all I knew was that something was
wrong and something needed to change. My
partner was an experienced dancer and it was very intimidating. But I had
no choice; I had to dance with her, it was my job. When I first started to
move my leg, she just stood there.
“Aren’t you supposed to move now?”
“I can’t feel you” was her response.
“I can’t move, you’re in my way, I’ll run you over” was
probably my response. And there we
were stuck at a standstill. It reminded
me of the Dr. Seuss story “The Zax” about the two guys who found each other
in their path, and neither would take proactive action to change that situation. They were both waiting for the other one to
get out of their way. From what I remember,
an entire city has built up all around them, and they are still there to this
day.
Well Men, in the
world of ballroom dancing, it is the Leader’s job to move first. That’s why we’re called the “leaders”.
What I finally discovered, was that if my frame is strong,
as soon as I start to move; the very split second I gain a few millimeters
of momentum moving forward, the woman will feel it and respond. It is not
visible to the naked eye, but to this day, I make sure I first have a strong
frame, and then I focus on sending my torso forward, unapologetically.
The woman’s feet always magically get out of my way as she responds
and travels backwards. I lose the precautionary tendency to “waddle” around
her feet; I discover that I am free to take larger, freer steps.
Just so long as my frame stays strong, the woman will be carried along
with me. The woman responds every time and in three years,
I’ve yet to “run over” anyone on the dance floor.
Here’s another exercise: Next time you are in a supermarket, try pushing
a full shopping cart from standstill. First,
allow your elbow joints to expand and contract (i.e.: moving your arms). The
shopping cart will not like you very much. You’ll probably go back and forth
between right into the cart, and being in a constant push-and-pull, tug-of-war
with it. Now try it again, and don’t
think about it. Notice that when you start, from a standstill, you first encounter
resistance from the shopping cart, but then your body reacts to that; your
elbow joints “tense up” providing resistance and it’s the weight of your body,
centered in your torso, which counteracts the shopping carts weight, causing
it to go into motion. You’ll feel yourself “pushing” not with your arms, but
with your whole body: Your torso “rises to the challenge” and then your feet
get into the act. You start “Pushing
off the floor”, until you’ve reached a nice steady velocity. Now, you’re free
to deal with all the other stimuli coming at you from the aisles. Starting
up a dance with your partner is very similar.
And remember that a good leader of basic fundamental
steps is ALWAYS better than a sloppy leader who knows a lot of fancy arm and
foot patterns. What good are fancy
moves if the woman you are dancing with feels like she’s your public plaything?
Read through this article several times. If it was helpful, drop me a line and
let me know, or tell others about it. Next
time you dance, come back to the article and read it again. It will slowly start to sink and hopefully,
the size of the smile in your partner’s eyes will grow in direct proportion
with your leading ability. And if you
are a follower reading this, I implore you to read the “how to follow like a lady” article. Dancing is
symbiotic. Now that the man knows how
to lead, the lady has no excuse and must learn how to follow. Let me help
you, help your partner, and vice versa. Now go practice…
-Joe
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